Big Bear. big time love.

Trish and Shelly are two of the most uniquely awesome & fun loving people you will ever meet. If you know them, consider yourself lucky (and probably a bit off your rocker, you have to be to fit in with the likes of these two. I know I am! =P) Well these two lovelies invited us to come have lunch with them at their campsite in Big Bear and my family and I willing obliged. It was quite cold but a great time nonetheless. We took a walk to the lake, sat around the fire and made smores and enjoyed the company of family who don’t get together nearly often enough. I didn’t take enough pictures but I already felt like i was behind my camera and phone screen too much; I had to give them some face time with me.

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Above: Their two pups, Lilly and Sadie. 

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Above and Below: My little brother and his girlfriend Lauren. I took the most pictures of them because theres just something about being young and in love that translates so well to photographs. ❤

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Above: Father and son with their significant others. 

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All the couples!

*When I uploaded the pictures there were no spots or blurs but once I started cropping/editing all these blurry spots started to appear. There may have been someone else there who wanted their picture taken as well.. ?

Happy Sunday everyone. The time has changed and even though we’ve lost an hour, we’ve gained an hour of daylight which I am more than pleased about. Have a great week! 🙂

The grass IS greener on this side.

Our minds are so wonderful aren’t they? Constantly thinking, imagining, creating, dreaming. But what about when your mind turns against you. When your mind is imprisoning, stifling, killing you. I’ve struggled my whole life with the real and what my mind has led me to believe is real. How things really are and how my mind has set them up to be. When I was a child I had an aunt (my dads sister) insist to me that she was my real mom. I was frightened and had no idea why she would even say such an awful thing. As an adult I know that she has severe mental health issues but growing up my goal was to not be like my “crazy” aunt. So when I was emotional or had mood swings I just needed to get over it and deal. I didn’t have the most supportive family when it came to these issues. I don’t think they were trying to be hurtful i just think they were uninformed and had no idea how to properly handle any of my “issues.” It is so common and so unfortunate. Fortunately for my family and I, we survived. Not every family is so lucky. Then there are these people- the ones who think that if you are depressed, then you’re just not praying hard or often enough. And that is just not true. I prayed until I was blue in the face but I just could not shake whatever it was that was going on in my mind.

Finally, after battling my mind and struggling and being so irritable that my husband and I couldn’t go one day without an argument I realized it was time to seek professional help. I 100% believe in medication and therapy. I am living, walking, talking, marital bliss proof that these things works. I continue to pray every single day but I’m no longer asking God to fix me, I am thanking Him for doing it. I am beyond blessed and grateful that He gave me the courage to seek help. He placed me in a Dr’s hands who knew what she was doing and got my medication right the first time. And He has made me aware and proactive in wanting to make sure that I don’t allow the people around me to have their issues swept under the rug.

Stigma

Express yourself

When given really good (or really bad) news we all react in different ways. That isn’t to say people who don’t have an overly expressive reaction care less. Recently, on a family trip to Laughlin, I won $500. I was ecstatic.. on the inside, however I didn’t jump up and down or scream or do anything over the top. My mom commented that she would’ve been yelling and I thought to myself, “Why am I not more excited?” Later I realized that I had been genuinely and completely elated I just didn’t express it the same way as my mom would. For a very long time Ive had this idea that I cant express my excitement in an outward fashion. I don’t know where this notion comes from, maybe I don’t want to be boastful; maybe I’m too concerned what others think. But really I think its that I’m a thinker. I take time to think about things and to process them. Even more recently a family member received devastating news. When my mom told me the news I didn’t cry, I didn’t hug my mom, I didn’t really react at all. I asked questions and did what i do best.. I started processing. I’m sure that its not the reaction most would give but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t have the same impact on me that it did my other family members. I’m just not good at these kind of things. The best way for me to express myself is to write it down. But know this.. I love more deeply than most and although I may look and sound fine my heart aches the same and my prayers are as constant as yours. 

I haven’t always been this way and I’ve started to see my “poker face” when it comes to dealing with emotions as a flaw but maybe its a strength. I still feel everything and am very much an emotional person but have this strange ability to keep it together when it counts. I can be strong for my family  when they need it most. I know there will come a day when I will need them to be my strength so I’m glad to be that person for them now. 

Summer is here (almost)…

So I’ve been totally neglecting this blog and been feeling horrible about it but with summer here I plan to be posting more often.

Heres what you’ve missed:

http://instagram.com/p/XyzPG7MM9L/ I found out im not black.. it came as a real shocker

http://instagram.com/p/YWUhWZMM0K/ Decided to start drinking Patron since apparently im mexican.

http://instagram.com/p/Y6fm21MM5p/ Bought a new bathtub since mine was waaay to small. mightve overestimated the size of my bathroom

http://instagram.com/p/Y_XmURMM7C/ Took a photography class (not really, im just THAT good)

http://instagram.com/p/ZgXlhMsM2v/     http://instagram.com/p/Zgw61NMMxr/ He took me out to the ball game, pushed me and made me hit my head*. Im pretty sure all he was supposed to do was buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.

http://instagram.com/p/ZrZJuxMM5-/ Adopted this adorable little guy. We call him Oliver

http://instagram.com/p/aEb82PMM8-/ Started a new drinking crew. We call ourselves ZOTS. If your last name doesnt start with one of those letters then im sorry to say you are not welcome to join.

And most recently- Yesterday I celebrated Fathers Day with mi papa. It was a great day with great people (my family, duh) great food and a great dad. On a side note– we all watched “The Impossible”  If your menopausal, premenstrual or prego I suggest NOT watching that movie unless you like crying uncontrollably.

*My husband did not actually push me, i’m just clumsy and fell