There was a time in my life when I would drive around, look down at my ring finger and my mind would drift. I would daydream about what my engagement ring and then wedding ring would look like and what the man who put the rings on my finger would be like. How would we meet? Where would we live? What places would we travel to? Now that i’m married to the only one who ever made me feel like I deserved the world and more, my mind still drifts. I now daydream about our firstborn. What will he look like? Will she be healthy? How old will I be when I have him? I cant wait to be a mom and I cant wait to see Andrew be the amazing father I know he will be. We do want children and soon but first things first; My prayer is that I can get and stay healthy and experience low levels of pain so that all my questions about motherhood can one day be answered with the amazing blessing of a baby.
It has been about two weeks since my pain (at this level) started. I’ve dealt with headaches for years however never anything like the ones I’ve gotten in the past two weeks. Every joint in my body hurts. My muscles hurt. My hands, feet and legs cramp up. I can’t keep any food in me. The stomach thing is also something I’ve dealt with for years. The purpose of this post isn’t for you to feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for myself. But my pain is now having an effect on my ability to have a “normal” life so I feel I owe all those in my life an explanation. I’m not trying to be flaky or unreliable; I miss you all! With my pain being so unpredictable it’s hard for me to make plans and when I do I almost always have to cancel because I end up being sick. I will never make plans to go out to eat with you because my stomach will be causing me pain and discomfort within half an hour of eating. I have no idea what is causing my pain, I just keep going to the doctor and getting test run and praying that I will have an answer soon. For the most part my labs keep coming back normal so I’m starting to feel like this is something that I may just have to deal with. Like I said before, I don’t feel sorry for myself. However, knowing that I make just always have chronic pain frustrates me. We have plans to attend a wedding this weekend and go out to a fancy brunch at a beach front hotel the next day. For most this is something to look forward to. For me it’s a plague of questions: How will my stomach react to the dinner at the wedding? Am I going to be in so much pain that I can’t dance with my husband? Am I going to have such a horrible headache that I don’t want to mingle or enjoy the company of other wedding guest?
Hopefully this will pass but if this is something I am going to have deal with long term then I definitely need to find a better way to deal. I currently am taking a pain medication which seems to help lessen (not eliminate) my pain. I also now have a great headache medication (the trade-off is that is makes me sleepy so I have to be careful when I take it). So far, I have nothing to help with my stomach. My brother swears by greek yogurt so I’m going to give it a try. I don’t care for yogurt however I will force myself to eat it every day if it helps me. Any other suggestions are so very appreciated. I refuse to let whatever is going on with my body control my life. I apologize to my friends and family who have indirectly been affected, it has nothing to do with you and I hope that now you have a little bit of insight as to what I’ve been dealing with and can forgive me. I look forward to seeing you all very soon!
Lastly I must mention my husband, Andrew. He has been so amazing throughout our relationship. Ever since the beginning he has had to deal with my stomach and headaches. He has been incredibly understanding and has taken great care of me. (Side note- JUST NOW my leg cramped up so bad I had to stand up and walk it off for a few minutes) Back to Andrew- He knew that his life would be one of taking care of me and being by my side while I dealt with all of this and he still married me. We’ve had many dates and trips cut short or spent with me sleeping it off. And now with my joint and muscle pain, I’ve fallen in love all over again. How can I have such a loving, caring and kind husband? He may be tired of all this or annoyed by it but he never expresses it. He constantly makes my days better by making me smile and laugh. He keeps me grounded and sane. He deserves the world and more and I will do everything in my power to make sure he knows he is Oh So LoVed and appreciated.