A mother’s journey

On December 31, 1985 my mother gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She named me Celina Michelle Olvera. My moms dream was to watch me and my brother grow, to love us and support us and help us develop into beautiful, strong individuals who would one day give birth to their own beautiful children. She dreamed that we would be best friends. She dreamed of a wonderful life. My moms dreams for her life didn’t exactly pan out. Her marriage to my dad fell apart, twice. She had a closet full of skeletons. She went from one abusive relationship to another. Addiction ruined  her life. On October 31, 1992 she survived being shot in the head. I’ve heard what happened that night but there is still apart of me that believes there is much more to the story. My mom went through phases where she was sober and healthy but since she never stuck with her recovery programs she always fell back into her old ways. Her rock bottom was letting a man into my cousins house who ended up stealing all of my cousins jewelry including her wedding ring. I was so mad at her, I didn’t even want to look at her. I thought she was selfish. I thought I couldn’t forgive her. I thought wrong. My heart was broken. I cried like I’ve never cried before. I felt a sense of fear and loss that I had never known. I thought my mom was going to kill herself. I forgave her quickly and truly. I prayed for her soul. I prayed for forgiveness for myself for having anger in my heart towards her. I prayed for God to save her life. God answers prayers, I promise you that; my mom has been in a recovery home for almost two months now. She will be in there for at least another year. I saw her two weeks ago but it was the first time I had seen her in years. The real her. Her happy, healthy self. Her eyes full of life and hope. Her cheerful smile. She was elated as she talked about how she got to ride a horse for the first time. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love as she talked to us about all that shes learning about the Bible, about how shes learning that her way is clearly not the right way and that shes ready to change. She has been given an opportunity to change her life and she is taking full advantage of it. I know she still has such a long way to go and I know she has made mistakes  but I am so proud of her, proud to call her my mom. When my mom pictured how her life would be I’m sure this is not what she envisioned however I know that better days are coming. I look forward to having my mom back and to the day that I get the privilege of being her best friend.